Sonja's Outdoor World

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Taking a Step Back

Life and my internal thoughts have gotten a little out of control lately. It's time to take a step back and reassess what the heck I am doing. Days ago I was so obsessed with this year being the best year ever with races up the wazoo. Why? Where was I going with this? I convinced myself I needed a plan, or a coach, and I fibbed to myself saying it was becasue I would get injured if I didn't have one. I've been injured once, when I was 13 (IT band). Honestly I have a pretty teflon body, it can withstand a ton. I've summited mountains in Peru, and I am 1/2 my dad's genes...believe me, I'm a tough girl (note: physically, not emotionally :) ).
Well, I loooked into a coach, went a few steps too far in that direction and now I need to step back a bit.
So, how did I get here? Here's the story: Well, I started loosing weight, and then I signed up for a race so that I would be motivated to continue my healthy exercise habits. It was fun, I enjoyed the race and I felt good afterwards. My memories of high school racing are associated with anxiety, dread, terror, pain. I didn't feel any of those feelings, so I signed up for another. Again, a very positave experience, and that started the avalanche. I trained and did what I liked on a daily basis. I found a new ride my bike. I loved to hook up Annie and go explore trails, and to run errands. I felt studly, and healthy. I started racing more, doing snowshoe races and duathlons. Training where I wanted too, spinning when I wanted, resting when I wanted, and knowing that I was maintaining a healthy lifestyle.
Then I did well on some races and it went to my head. I started to think "I could be good at this" and "I SHOULD be good at this". This is way off base.
My original motivation was to obtain a healthy body, to make consistent exercise and healthy eating part of my permanent life. And, here I have gone and doven off the deep end before I knew what I was doing.
It's time to go back to my roots. Train when I want, for the events I want, at the speed I want. Maintain a blisteringly positave attitude about exercise and healthy eating. Remember that my husband, and my baby girl are my motivation, and who I ultimately report to in this world.
I am where I wanted to be 5 months ago. I got there for the right reasons, and I'm going to stay there for the right reasons as well. 5 months ago I was hoping for a change, a physical change. I got that and so much more. I got an attitude change, I got a new body, I got some new hobbies, ones that I can share with my family. I have reached my goals and I haven't even stopped to absorb the gravity of all this. I have done miraculous things, and I wanted to just blow past that and onto the next thing.
No, I will not cheet myself of this luxury. If I have hopes of making this change stick, I need to come to terms with my accomplishments. It's time to slow down and enjoy things.
Many, many, many people try every year to make the changes that I have made in 5 months, most don't make it. Most don't have the drive. Drive is not my issue, it's balance. Balance with family, life, creativity, eating. I will never be complete with my quest for balance and moderation, I must continue to train daily.
And it finally occured to me: what if I get injured? Big flippin deal, then I take a month or two off, while staying healthy: biking, swimming, or whatever, and when I am better, I jump back on the bandwagon.
Please excuse the "self-help-ness" of this post, it's more so that I can get some stuff off my chest so that I can go to sleep. I have been laying in bed for hours tossing random thoughts around in my head.


  • finding balance is something i struggle with all the time. i think when you choose to be a SAHM, after a while you can start feeling like you are losing your identity. at least i know i feel that way sometimes.
    i'm guessing the races and training helped you reconnect with who you were pre-annie. it's great that you were able to see that you needed to step back, reassess and go from there. sounds like you've got a healthy outlook on the whole thing. :)

    By Anonymous amygeekgrl, at 8:34 PM  

  • Thanks Amy, I struggle with the pre-mom, post-mom balance a lot. I want to aspire to be someone "in addition" to "MOM", but also want to do a good job being "Mom".
    When I feel the pull back towards my family I know I have gone to far, but it can still be hard to recognize. Thanks for you encouragement!

    By Blogger SonjaOutdoorMama, at 10:26 PM  

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